Do I write blogs anymore? Yes, and its been awhile. I had a thought while waking up a few mornings ago feeling shocked. Like whoa, my life is going so fast. Specifically from age 26 to now almost 29. Its been incredibly fun and enlightening years. So much inspiration and hope for our world. Since age twenty one I’ve done a who I am/was at each age, so here I share with you my who I am at twenty eight years old.
The phrase that sticks with me so much is ‘when you think there is so little, there is so much’. Referring to when I find myself in bouts of depression, hormonal or situational, I tell myself this to get out of bed, to go outside and let more magic into my life. How do I not only cope with whats happening in my life but also thrive? I believe and trust in what is mine will come and I don’t have to force anything or anyone to be in my life. Letting go, surrendering and letting things be as they are. This process is always a practice.
I’ve had the luck of free time on my hands this past year because of a conscious job shift from a company where I didn’t align with their values to a company that was much more transparent. I make alot less money and I believe I’m a whole lot happier when my work aligns with my personal values. I get to work with people, be a listener and share in their story which is something I’ve always dreamed of. I’m doing it.
I get to say what I’m grateful for before each meal, try new things and meet new people constantly.
I’ve been working on the concept of holding on to two opposing experiences. Currently for me this looks like loving traveling, learning and consistently meeting new people and the opposing of feeling scared, longing for community and comfort. Over the past six months I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I am so proud of myself and feeling my priorities changing. Listening to both the exhaustion that feeling physically scared for my safety at time. Being a solo female traveler and pressure to express to people back home that this is safe, that travel is an option for many people if they want to seek it out even if their solo.
The place I am living currently is the first time I had multiple run in’s where I feel fearful of someone robbing me or assaulting me. None of these has happened and when I walk out my door every morning I feel the need to put a shield up so as if to make sure they don’t. I obviously can’t control this and I can put a ‘don’t fuck with me’ wall up that I believes wards off those people. I feel like a representative for female travel to people back home who ask me, ‘aren’t you scared?’ I say no, when I most time truthfully want to say yes WITH a big AND after it. I feel scared and this is my dream, this is what I want for my life, so I acknowledge the fear and do it anyway. My main resistance to wanting to say I don’t feel scare is my want to not play into the messaging that this world is a fearful place. It feels like a delicate balance to play.
Reflecting, I have been traveling for over six months now. Half of a year, living out of my backpack. Living in 30 different places. Seeing new things, learning, growing and the best part- meeting new people. This journey has been soul renewing. As many of you have maybe seen I’ve changed my name and started a business. What is this life? It is abundant, magical and loving.
I remember waking up that first morning in the middle of Guatemala city, hearing rumbles from the bed above me in the hostel. The world felt expansive, my life felt expansive. Thoughts flooded in, as I whispered to myself take a deep breath. Did I know where this path would lead me? No, and I set myself up for the next four months so I could be open to whatever the universe had in store. I’m tearing up just thinking of all the memories and opportunities I’ve had in these last six months because of this intention of openness.
I continually ask myself if I am still being relatable to people back home. I’m not sure, I feel shifted, defined and inspired as I always do after I travel. Its hard to describe ‘how was it’ or ‘what did you do?’ Each day was brand new, and there were days spent in my bed crying feeling so lost.
So instead of everything I did here are the beautiful faces that joined me along my solo traveling journey to Guatemala and Mexico.
Two weeks from today, I will do something I’ve never done. Return to a place I’ve called home. I will be returning to Durango, to the magic bubble that exists there. I’m excited and cautious as I surrender to what feels right.
2 thoughts on “Word Soup”
Very interesting post, welcome back to the states. I hope you find what you’re looking for to be happy.